Signs of Abuse

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Some signs to watch out for:

You may feel:

  • like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper

  • you can't live without him or that he can't live without you

  • less connected or stop seeing friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he doesn't like them

  • you are afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship because he may threaten you or himself

  • that you are the only one who can help him and that you should try to "reform" him

  • yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly

  • you stop expressing opinions if he doesn't agree with them

  • you stay because you feel he will hurt or kill himself if you leave

  • you find that he is jealous if you talk to someone or if someone compliments you and then accuses you of cheating or betraying him

  • he has used physical means when he is angry or wants to control your actions: such as, he has kicked, hit, shoved, punched or thrown things at you

  • he is very critical of things you do and puts you down

  • he ask you to agree to do sexual things you are uncomfortable with or do not wish to do. He does this by using tactics such as; constantly nagging and saying you are not normal, withholding affection and/or stops communicating or helping with tasks(driving children to school etc..), or using physical force

  • he promotes very strict gender roles and expectation of what a good partner or wife is to do; such as, women do all the cooking, are fully responsible for all the child care, women are not entitled to their own sexual needs, etc..

  • he uses your childhood experiences of abuse against you by saying you are not normal, you are damage goods etc....

If you are in an abusive relationship know that YOU can get help (see our section under getting help to find the service best for you)

If you are planning on leaving or feel that the violence is escalating

Please visit our web page on safety planning or visit our web links on how to create a safety plan. You can also get a personalized safety plan completed by a local shelter or second stage outreach worker or through counselling services.

Note that change is possible, but change is not possible without intervention.